For adults

Adult intimacy: comfort, communication and consent

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A list of sexual positions cannot guarantee pleasure, simultaneous orgasms or a satisfying relationship. Preferences and boundaries are individual. This guide for adults replaces those promises with a discussion of comfort, consent and responding to discomfort.

Talk without turning intimacy into a test

You do not have to recreate a scene or demonstrate inventiveness for intimacy to matter. Explain what feels comfortable, what you do not want and what you would rather leave for another time. A different preference need not be treated as a personal criticism.

The WHO places respect and freedom from coercion at the heart of sexual health. That perspective makes room for wellbeing without reducing it to a technique or bodily outcome.

Agreement can change

RAINN explains that consent must be voluntary and ongoing: agreeing previously does not authorise every later activity. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Silence or a lack of resistance does not establish agreement.

A brief question and a response you listen to are more useful than assumptions about another person’s wishes. If someone hesitates or wants to stop, stop. A refusal is not an invitation to keep negotiating.

Comfort and pain

Avoid movements or supports that feel uncomfortable or unsafe; experimentation is not an obligation. The former instructions involving edges, stairs and lifting another person have been removed, along with the suggestion that increasing intensity guarantees satisfaction.

The NHS service Sex Therapy London explains that pain during sex can have different causes and should be assessed by a healthcare professional. It is not something to endure or solve by following a list of positions. Stop an activity that causes pain and seek advice.

What has changed

Promises of orgasm, rigid roles assigned to men and women and instructions presented as universally pleasurable have been removed. This is general information, not an individual assessment or treatment.

Sources checked on 23 September 2026. Explore more information in our Buscatea guides.

How this guide is produced

We publish with visible editorial standards, correct errors and show a review date only after a person has checked and materially updated the content.

About Mauricio Pelosi

Buscatea contributor. See our editorial policy for publication and correction controls.

Sources and references

  1. OMS / WHO —
  2. RAINN —
  3. NHS Sex Therapy London —

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